I read a very inspiring article in the New York Times about a new Facebook page that is connecting young Palestinians and Israelis. It's called Facebook.com/yalaYL, the YL standing for "young leaders." This site was created by a former Israeli diplomat, and is being supported by many important people. There are welcome messages from Shimon Peres, president of Israel, and Mahmoud Abbas, president of the Palestinian Authority. Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, is very excited about this project.
According to the NewYork Times article, this site is getting many Israelis and Palestinians to talk to each other for the first time. They quote an 18-year-old Palestinian student who says, "This is my first contact with Israelis. ...I think it's cool." Another student, who got a friend request from Egypt, said, "I asked one Egyptian why he had contacted me...and he said, 'After the revolution, everything is permitted. I want to see what Israelis are like."
Clearly, Palestinians and Israelis will never be able to make true peace with each other until they can know each other--until they have empathy for where each other is coming from, and for what each other is going through. They must know each other, as individuals, and hear each other's stories and experiences, feelings and desires, to be able to come to see each other as fellow human beings, rather than enemies.
Social media just might bring the world together.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Can rich and powerful people be empathetic?
Lately, several things have added up to my asking the question in the title.
On The Daily Show this week, Jon Stewart interviewed the author Jon Ronson, who wrote The Psychopath Test. He avers that a surprising number of CEOs and powerful politicians are successful precisely because they are psychopaths. In other words, they completely lack empathy for anyone else, and thus are able to do whatever is necessary to get ahead. As Booklist says in its review of this book, "those behaviors are found in CEOs who recklessly eliminate jobs while lavishing money on themselves and their friends, as well as in murderously dangerous Mafiosi".
Tomorrow night my book club will be discussing the 2010 novel The Privileges, by Jonathon Dee. It's a brilliantly-written depiction a family--husband, wife, daughter, son--who become ultra-rich. The man is very good at his job and makes a lot of money working for a private equity firm, but he feels absolutely entitled to a life of ultimate privilege for himself and his family. So he engages in illegal insider trading, and makes an incredible fortune. The man and his wife are totally narcissistic and lacking in empathy for anyone else outside their 4-person family unit, including their own parents and siblings. They believe that their children should be denied nothing. The results are horrifying.
Meanwhile, our newspapers are filled with stories about how the rich have gotten richer during our current economic downturn. Two days ago, I read this headline in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: "Rich Spend as Everyone Else Scrimps." I have to wonder if someone who spends $5000 on one handbag, which is just plain ridiculous, can have any empathy for the other 99% of humanity.
F. Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote, "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me." Being born rich has to put you at a remove from ordinary people which would be very difficult to bridge. Does attaining great wealth do the same thing? Or do you have to feel that remove from others in the first place in order to amass a personal fortune.
Of course I am not saying that all rich people and all powerful people lack empathy. Certainly many people, like the late Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone, go into politics precisely because they have great empathy for others, and wish to help them and make the world a better place. And I'm sure some rich people send their kids to public school and do other things to keep their children, and themselves, grounded and in touch with regular people. Prince William flies search and rescue helicopters and hangs out with his RAF crew.
But history is full of people--from the robber barons of the past to Bernie Madoff of today--who are very rich because they are sociopaths who have a talent for taking money from other people in various ways and not caring one tiny bit about those whom they have hurt.
The next book I'm going to read is The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, by Simon Baron-Cohen. If I learn anything therein that helps us know what can be done about rich and powerful sociopaths, I'll let you know.
On The Daily Show this week, Jon Stewart interviewed the author Jon Ronson, who wrote The Psychopath Test. He avers that a surprising number of CEOs and powerful politicians are successful precisely because they are psychopaths. In other words, they completely lack empathy for anyone else, and thus are able to do whatever is necessary to get ahead. As Booklist says in its review of this book, "those behaviors are found in CEOs who recklessly eliminate jobs while lavishing money on themselves and their friends, as well as in murderously dangerous Mafiosi".
Tomorrow night my book club will be discussing the 2010 novel The Privileges, by Jonathon Dee. It's a brilliantly-written depiction a family--husband, wife, daughter, son--who become ultra-rich. The man is very good at his job and makes a lot of money working for a private equity firm, but he feels absolutely entitled to a life of ultimate privilege for himself and his family. So he engages in illegal insider trading, and makes an incredible fortune. The man and his wife are totally narcissistic and lacking in empathy for anyone else outside their 4-person family unit, including their own parents and siblings. They believe that their children should be denied nothing. The results are horrifying.
Meanwhile, our newspapers are filled with stories about how the rich have gotten richer during our current economic downturn. Two days ago, I read this headline in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: "Rich Spend as Everyone Else Scrimps." I have to wonder if someone who spends $5000 on one handbag, which is just plain ridiculous, can have any empathy for the other 99% of humanity.
F. Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote, "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me." Being born rich has to put you at a remove from ordinary people which would be very difficult to bridge. Does attaining great wealth do the same thing? Or do you have to feel that remove from others in the first place in order to amass a personal fortune.
Of course I am not saying that all rich people and all powerful people lack empathy. Certainly many people, like the late Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone, go into politics precisely because they have great empathy for others, and wish to help them and make the world a better place. And I'm sure some rich people send their kids to public school and do other things to keep their children, and themselves, grounded and in touch with regular people. Prince William flies search and rescue helicopters and hangs out with his RAF crew.
But history is full of people--from the robber barons of the past to Bernie Madoff of today--who are very rich because they are sociopaths who have a talent for taking money from other people in various ways and not caring one tiny bit about those whom they have hurt.
The next book I'm going to read is The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, by Simon Baron-Cohen. If I learn anything therein that helps us know what can be done about rich and powerful sociopaths, I'll let you know.
Monday, April 4, 2011
The GIft of Sharing Pain
I have a good friend who has cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last fall, had 3 surgeries, and has been undergoing a grueling series of chemo and radiation treatments that started in January and will last until the end of May. Like many others, she has a CaringBridge website that allows her to stay in touch with friends and family around the country, and keeps us updated on her condition.
This lovely person has a wonderful sense of humor, and it is beautifully on display in her journal updates. She jokes about her "day at the nuclear spa". She says, "I absolutely look like Molting Ostrich Girl, which is quite hilarious. I am collecting a wonderful assortment of ridiculous wigs and headgear, the newest one a fiery red mohawk hat."
But she has also found the strength to honestly share how hard the long battle with cancer is, and to trust that we will hang with her, that we do not need jokes all the time to make it bearable. I so much appreciate her sharing the dark side of cancer with us. I have been lucky in that, so far, we haven't had any family members diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know that when you're having weekly chemo sessions, you get one "good" day a week--the day before your next session, when you plunge down the chemo cliff again, your mind engulfed in a chemo haze and your body barely able to walk. She says, "The basic news is that it's darn tough, not a little frightening, a lot lonely, and a huge challenge across the physical, emotional and spiritual spectrums. Those aren't bad things, however. Hope springs eternal! "
It is so hard to open up and let people know the darkness you are dealing with. My friend is a very strong, vibrant person. And now she has found the strength to be dependent, to feel anger at the setbacks, to need support. As she put it so well in her most recent post: "I thank my friends for staying close to me, and for pushing me to let you help me. I deflect with humor and try to make it easy to be around me, and realize that I have a really tough time showing my vulnerability. Part of the journey to the other side is getting your rear end kicked, and learning to let a lot go!"
This lovely person has a wonderful sense of humor, and it is beautifully on display in her journal updates. She jokes about her "day at the nuclear spa". She says, "I absolutely look like Molting Ostrich Girl, which is quite hilarious. I am collecting a wonderful assortment of ridiculous wigs and headgear, the newest one a fiery red mohawk hat."
But she has also found the strength to honestly share how hard the long battle with cancer is, and to trust that we will hang with her, that we do not need jokes all the time to make it bearable. I so much appreciate her sharing the dark side of cancer with us. I have been lucky in that, so far, we haven't had any family members diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know that when you're having weekly chemo sessions, you get one "good" day a week--the day before your next session, when you plunge down the chemo cliff again, your mind engulfed in a chemo haze and your body barely able to walk. She says, "The basic news is that it's darn tough, not a little frightening, a lot lonely, and a huge challenge across the physical, emotional and spiritual spectrums. Those aren't bad things, however. Hope springs eternal! "
It is so hard to open up and let people know the darkness you are dealing with. My friend is a very strong, vibrant person. And now she has found the strength to be dependent, to feel anger at the setbacks, to need support. As she put it so well in her most recent post: "I thank my friends for staying close to me, and for pushing me to let you help me. I deflect with humor and try to make it easy to be around me, and realize that I have a really tough time showing my vulnerability. Part of the journey to the other side is getting your rear end kicked, and learning to let a lot go!"
Monday, January 17, 2011
MILK for MLK Day
We just watched the movie "Milk" this evening, and it occurred to me afterward what an appropriate thing this was to do on this particular day. So many parallels between Martin Luther King Jr. leading the fight for racial equality and human rights, and Harvey Milk doing the same for the human rights of gay people. Both men courageously spoke up for the rights of their people; both men led demonstrations for the civil rights of their people; both men knew there was a good chance that in fighting for the rights of their oppressed people they would be assassinated by a hate-filled person--and indeed, so it happened.
Certainly, the civil rights issue of our time is the rights of gay citizens to have all the protections and rights of the rest of our citizenry, including the right to marry the person you love. In Harvey Milk's time, in the 1970's, the battle was being fought in California over Proposition 6, to force the firing of gay teachers; in 2008, the number bumped up to Prop 8, and the fight was over banning gay marriage.
The most stirring thing that Harvey Milk says in the film is his plea, in fighting against Prop 6, for every gay person to "come out", so that all California citizens could find out that they know a gay person-- their neighbor, their nephew, the guy in the office two doors down, the waitress at the local coffee shop, and yes, even their own sons and daughters. And so people would understand that to vote for Prop 6 was to vote against these friends, co-workers and family members. If this isn't an argument for the primacy of empathy, I don't know what is.
Harvey Milk was right. And I'm sure Martin Luther King Jr. would have marched arm-in-arm with him if he had lived.
Certainly, the civil rights issue of our time is the rights of gay citizens to have all the protections and rights of the rest of our citizenry, including the right to marry the person you love. In Harvey Milk's time, in the 1970's, the battle was being fought in California over Proposition 6, to force the firing of gay teachers; in 2008, the number bumped up to Prop 8, and the fight was over banning gay marriage.
The most stirring thing that Harvey Milk says in the film is his plea, in fighting against Prop 6, for every gay person to "come out", so that all California citizens could find out that they know a gay person-- their neighbor, their nephew, the guy in the office two doors down, the waitress at the local coffee shop, and yes, even their own sons and daughters. And so people would understand that to vote for Prop 6 was to vote against these friends, co-workers and family members. If this isn't an argument for the primacy of empathy, I don't know what is.
Harvey Milk was right. And I'm sure Martin Luther King Jr. would have marched arm-in-arm with him if he had lived.
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Year's Resolution: More Empathy
My New Year's resolution might surprise some people. I resolve to be more empathetic. Yes, I am generally a pretty empathetic person. But I want to be less judgmental and more understanding of where people are coming from when I don't agree with them. Especially, I resolve to accept my daughter-in-law's parenting decisions and to truly listen to her when she explains why she has made these decisions. There are many approaches and philosophies that are good ways to raise children, and her way (and of course our son's way as well) do not have to be the same as our way. So, if they have decided that their son will not be babysat by anyone until such time as he says he wishes to be, so be it.
And if everyone resolved at the start of this year to raise their level of empathy toward others, wouldn't this be a much better world? It's not so hard. When a judgmental thought about another person pops into your head (and maybe is on the verge of popping out of your mouth), take a mental step back and try to appreciate that person's actions or statements or beliefs from his/her point of view.
What do you say? Are you up for it?
And if everyone resolved at the start of this year to raise their level of empathy toward others, wouldn't this be a much better world? It's not so hard. When a judgmental thought about another person pops into your head (and maybe is on the verge of popping out of your mouth), take a mental step back and try to appreciate that person's actions or statements or beliefs from his/her point of view.
What do you say? Are you up for it?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Religious Intolerance Tsunami
I feel like there is a tsunami of religious intolerance sweeping the globe lately.
In New York: The growing controversy over building a Muslim center a couple blocks from ground zero results in a Muslim cab driver being stabbed. Anti-Islam fervor appears to be growing, fed by the right-wing media. Tara Bahrampour in the Washington Post reports that this recent backlash against Muslims in the U.S. has Muslim students at American University in Washington D.C. feeling fearful and very upset.
In Pakistan: Members of the Ahmadiyya Muslim community (2 to 4 million Pakistanis) are being targeted for death by "traditional Muslims", apparently with the tacit approval of the government, and suicide bombers are blowing up Shiite mosques, according to an article by Trudy Rubin in the Philadelphia Inquirer. Shockingly, she reports that the Pakistani constitution, since 1974, has labeled Ahmadis "non-Muslim" (and therefore open to persecution, even unto death.)
On network news in the U.S.: On NBC's Today Show, there was an interview by Brian Williams with President Obama about the growing number of Americans who believe Obama is a Muslim. While I respect Brian Williams as a journalist, he introduces his interview by saying that President Obama is facing accusations that he is a Muslim. Accusations? As if being Muslim were a crime?
What is going on?
Fortunately, even in the midst of growing religious intolerance, we find examples of people seeking to spread understanding and respect for others of differing faiths. Today I read in the Minneapolis Star Tribune that a group of Muslims are handing out small cards entitled "Islam Explained" at the Minnesota State Fair. As one participant explained: "'Education promotes tolerance,' said Julianne Scasny, a Muslim who was handing out cards outside the State Fair Sunday with her husband, Mounaf Alsamman, a U.S. citizen from Syria who said he has never seen such suspicion of Islam in the United States as he has seen recently."
Empathy can push back against this tsunami of hatred and misunderstanding. Let us do all we can to stand up for the humanity of all people on this planet, of whatever religious beliefs, including those who do not believe in God at all. And let us educate ourselves. When I go to the State Fair this weekend, I will be sure to seek out the "Islam Explained" card and read it carefully.
In New York: The growing controversy over building a Muslim center a couple blocks from ground zero results in a Muslim cab driver being stabbed. Anti-Islam fervor appears to be growing, fed by the right-wing media. Tara Bahrampour in the Washington Post reports that this recent backlash against Muslims in the U.S. has Muslim students at American University in Washington D.C. feeling fearful and very upset.
In Pakistan: Members of the Ahmadiyya Muslim community (2 to 4 million Pakistanis) are being targeted for death by "traditional Muslims", apparently with the tacit approval of the government, and suicide bombers are blowing up Shiite mosques, according to an article by Trudy Rubin in the Philadelphia Inquirer. Shockingly, she reports that the Pakistani constitution, since 1974, has labeled Ahmadis "non-Muslim" (and therefore open to persecution, even unto death.)
On network news in the U.S.: On NBC's Today Show, there was an interview by Brian Williams with President Obama about the growing number of Americans who believe Obama is a Muslim. While I respect Brian Williams as a journalist, he introduces his interview by saying that President Obama is facing accusations that he is a Muslim. Accusations? As if being Muslim were a crime?
What is going on?
Fortunately, even in the midst of growing religious intolerance, we find examples of people seeking to spread understanding and respect for others of differing faiths. Today I read in the Minneapolis Star Tribune that a group of Muslims are handing out small cards entitled "Islam Explained" at the Minnesota State Fair. As one participant explained: "'Education promotes tolerance,' said Julianne Scasny, a Muslim who was handing out cards outside the State Fair Sunday with her husband, Mounaf Alsamman, a U.S. citizen from Syria who said he has never seen such suspicion of Islam in the United States as he has seen recently."
Empathy can push back against this tsunami of hatred and misunderstanding. Let us do all we can to stand up for the humanity of all people on this planet, of whatever religious beliefs, including those who do not believe in God at all. And let us educate ourselves. When I go to the State Fair this weekend, I will be sure to seek out the "Islam Explained" card and read it carefully.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
follow-up to previous discussion
My son, Zack, sent me this e-mail in response to my query as to whether young people are really less empathetic than their predecessors:
Without knowing the details of the study, it's really hard to judge how accurate it is. If it's empathy for the struggles of minorities, I think young people are much more empathetic, if for no other reason than minorities are more integrated than in past generations. And with the increased ratio of minorities in this country, that too should make young people more empathetic.
Without knowing the details of the study, it's really hard to judge how accurate it is. If it's empathy for the struggles of minorities, I think young people are much more empathetic, if for no other reason than minorities are more integrated than in past generations. And with the increased ratio of minorities in this country, that too should make young people more empathetic.
However, when it comes to having empathy for opposing points of view, especially political views, the study may be right. It is my general feeling that people are, on average, not very interested in even hearing opposing points of view, let alone trying to empathize with them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)